


The Most Beautiful Moment In Our Lives

by ringforcynthia (SailorOtaku26)



Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga)
Genre: AU, Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, More tags to be added, Suicide, Violence, save me (webtoon) au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-03-09 14:52:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18919249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorOtaku26/pseuds/ringforcynthia
Summary: The glass shatters and he wakes up in his bed, sunlight streaming in through the white curtians. It's 10:00 am, April 11th. How many times will he repeat this? 1, 2, 3, 10, 15, 20 times? Failing over and over, shouldn't he just give up? Isn't he tired? Tired of it all slipping out of his reach? Tired of his friends dying one after the other? But they are the reason he's doing this. It doesn't matter how many times the glass breaks and everything resets, he will save them.





	1. Part One - Everything Started Here I

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! If you're reading this it's probably because you saw me talking about it on discord or tumblr. I know my writing isn't the best but I'm really excited to write this fic so please bear with me. Updates will probably be sporadic, sorry,,
> 
> This fic is based on/inspired by the webtoon save me/the notes/the bangtan universe.
> 
> Just a heads up, the source material this fic is based off can get very dark, so there will be major character death, suicide/mentions of suicide, abuse/references to abuse, alcohol abuse, violence, self harm/referenced self harm etc in this fic so if that's triggering for you please don't read this. I will try to put specific trigger warnings at the start of each chapter just in case.
> 
> For reference/for anyone familiar with the bangtan universe, Eugeo is Seokjin, Alice is Namjoon, Shino is Yoongi, Rika is Hoseok, Asuna is Jimin, Kazuto is Taehyung, and Keiko is Jungkook. Most of their ages are the same as the save me cast except Kazuto (Taehyung) is closer in age to Alice and Eugeo (1 to 1.5 years younger). 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it!! :)
> 
> ***This chapter will contain references to abuse and self harm.***

**EuGeo**

_10 March Year 18_

He was only a few minutes late today, so why should he have to do detention? He could understand Alice being here, since he’d first met her two years ago, she was arriving at school later and later and didn’t even turn up some days, but he’d been a model student since he transferred here. He had to be after all, his father didn’t allow anything but that.

Still, the sun burning down on him was starting to get annoying, so why couldn’t that teacher hurry up and get the other students?

“You want one?” Alice says, handing him a lollipop. As expected, she’s already got one in her mouth.

“Nah. You’re kind of addicted to them,” He replies, mock shaking his head at her.

“I could be addicted to worse things, Eugeo. What do you think they’re here for?” She sighs, pointing towards the three other students gathered outside the classroom.

“Probably skipped class.”

“Not pigtails, look at how nervous she is. And she’s young as well. Probably still a middle schooler by the looks of it. I bet she forgot her homework. Glasses, she definitely skipped, she’s got that look about her.”

“Do you have that look too then?” Eugeo says. “All you do is skip lately.”

“I’m skipping school for legitimate reasons, Eugeo. You know why. Anyway, what about shorty over there?”

“I really don’t know Alice. Oh look, isn’t that your friend Kazuto?” Eugeo nudges Alice and points to the black haired boy approaching.

“Oh, it is. Hey Kazuto!” She calls out, waving to him. He meekly waves back and quickly joins them.

“What did you do now?” Alice asks, unwrapping a lollipop for him.

“No thanks,” he shakes his head as she passes it over. Not willing to let it go to waste, Alice pops it in her mouth. “I got caught graffiting again.”

“You should be careful,” Eugeo tells the younger boy.

“Yeah, trust me, school may be lenient but the cops won’t be,” Alice warns him.

Kazuto mumbles something unintelligible and Alice pretends to hit him on the head. The colour drains from his face and he throws up his arms in defence.

“Shit, sorry Kazuto, I forgot,” Alice apologises.

“I’m okay,” He assures her. “Anyway how long have you guys been waiting? Shouldn’t the teacher be here yet?”

“I heard a new student got in trouble, that’s why it’s taking so long,” a new voice says.

They look up to see the girl Alice had nicknamed ‘shorty’.

“I’m Rika. I don’t recognise you, so you must all be a grade above me.”

“I’m Alice. This is Eugeo. We’re both in Year 12. And Kazuto over there is in Year 11. What are you here for?” Alice asks Rika, passing her a lollipop. Rika takes it and puts it in her mouth.

“Thanks. I was late this morning… and I forgot my homework. Oh, Shino, Keiko, come over here!” She calls out to the two other girls. “This is Keiko, she’s in Year 9, and Shino here is in Year 11, right?”

“What did you guys do?” Alice asks, pulling out two more lollipops and handing them to the girls. Shino declines and Keiko looks around nervously.

“It’s okay, you can take it.” Eugeo says. “Alice does this to everyone.”

“T-thank you!” Keiko squeaks. “I forgot my homework and Shino skipped class.”

“Told you so,” Alice whispers to Eugeo.

“Okay everyone, sorry I’m late,” the teacher says, breaking up their conversation and unlocking the door to the classroom. A chestnut haired girl follows closely behind him, carrying a tub of cleaning supplies.

“So who do we have? Shino Asada, Rika Shinozaki, Kazuto Kirigaya, Asuna Yuuki, Keiko Ayano, Eugeo Rulid, and Alice Zuberg,” the teacher says, ticking their names off his clipboard. “All of you will be serving detention here. You just need to clean this room. I’ll be back in two hours, so try to have it done by then.” He adjusts his watch and walks off, leaving the seven students to mingle around.

“This sucks.” Rika grumbles. “It’s past four now, so we won’t get out till after six.”

Around her the others sigh and mumble similar sentiments.

Keiko is the first one to enter the classroom. She calls out something unintelligible from inside.

“Let's just get this over with,” Alice sighs, picking up some of the cleaning supplies from the new girl and gesturing for the others to follow her inside.

As they enter the room Eugeo takes in the cluttered desks, stacked around and on top of each other. A few chairs lie around the room, and a thick layer of dust seems to cover everything. In the corner, he notices Keiko trying to push what looks like a piano into the center of the room.

“Let me help,” he says, rushing over to grab the other end. Alice runs over with him and grabs Keiko’s side off her. After some struggle, they manage to get it all the way into the middle of the room. Keiko runs over to the pile of cleaning supplies they left at the door and dusts down the piano.

“Shino, come here,” Keiko runs up to the older girl and grabs her hands, pulling her towards the piano and pushing her down into a chair. “You should play something!”

“I don’t know…” Shino trails off, looking nervously around the room.

“It’s okay, you can do it!” Keiko reassures her.

“We should clean first,” the new girl interjects. “If the teacher comes back and we haven't finished he’ll just make us stay longer.”

“She’s right,” Eugeo says. “Let's mop the floor first, then we can set the desks back up.”

“Always the voice of reason,” Alice mutters.

“Well do you want to get out of here on time or not? I know you have work tonight.”

“Yeah yeah. Okay, listen up. Eugeo and I are the oldest so we’re probably in charge. Kazuto, help Eugeo move the piano out of the way. Keiko, Shino and Rika can move the tables out of the way. New girl- Asuna was it?, you’ll help me mop. Then once that’s done we’ll all move the tables into order and dust.” Alice says. Everyone nods and gets to work, eager to finish so they can go home.

Once they’re done, they all collapse in a heap around the desks.

“I never want to see a broom ever again!” Rika sighs dramatically.

“Hey, what’s the time?” Kazuto asks.

“It’s 6:30 pm,” Eugeo says, checking his watch.

“I should get going,” Rika says, grabbing her school bag and heading towards the door.

“Me too,” Asuna chimes in, standing up.

“You wanna walk together?” Rika asks her.

“Um... sure. It was nice meeting you all,” she bows politely and follows after Rika.

“I need to get going as well,” Alice says. “You coming too, Kazuto?”

“Yep,” he replies, grabbing his bag. “See you all around.” He waves and disappears along with Alice.

“What about you guys? Will you be okay to get home?” Eugeo asks Keiko and Shino.

“I was just going to walk home…” Shino says. Keiko looks around nervously, fidgeting with her hands. “...But I’m not sure about Keiko.”

“I’ll be fine, I can just walk too.”

“Fine…” Shino sighs. “Let’s get the bus together. How far is your stop again?”

“I-it’s four stops after yours. And then it's a ten minute walk to my house,” Keiko stammers.

“Okay, then let’s get going,” Shino replies. “See ya,” she waves to Eugeo, before dragging Keiko off.

“Guess it's up me to lock up,” Eugeo says to himself, grabbing his backpack and the tub of cleaning supplies and heading to the door. He leaves the tub outside the door and pulls it shut, walking off to the car park where his father’s driver is waiting.

-

**AsuNa**

_12 March Year 18_

I’d come back to the old classroom thinking it would be empty. Obviously, they had all thought the same thing. The brown haired girl I’d walked home with the other day waves me over to her desk.

“Hey Asuna!” she says.

“Hi...Rika?” I say. I look around the room at the others, trying to remember their names. But I’ve been in and out of so many schools that I don’t bother with names anymore.

“Oh. The girl on the piano is Shino and the one next to her is Keiko. The girl eating a lollipop is Alice and that's Kazuto and Eugeo is the one pretending to be sleeping,” Rika points to all of them. “Sit down.”

I place my bag on the ground and pull out a chair. “What are you all doing here?” I ask them, the answer obvious, they’re skipping class like me, but I feel awkward not saying anything.

“Skipping class,” they all say unanimously.  

“Me too,” I laugh, suddenly feeling less awkward.

I began to visit the room frequently after that day. We never really did much, just sat around and talked, danced to Shino’s piano playing and Rika and Keiko’s offkey singing, ate from Alice’s endless lollipop supply and napped, but it felt like I’d known them all forever.

-

**ShiNo**

_12 June Year 18_

I don't know why we skipped school that day. It was hot and we had no money. It would have been better to stay in our hideout at school. It was Alice who said we should go to the beach. As we walked along the long road to the train station we passed a sign saying The Glass Arboretum - 2.1 km.

“Why don’t we go there?” Kazuto piped up as we stopped to rest for a moment.

I happened to look over at Asuna at that moment. She was as white as a sheet and shaking slightly. Something was wrong with her, and my gut told me that we should avoid that place.

“It'll be even hotter in there. Let's just go to the beach like we planned,” I suggested to the others.

“But we have barely any money. How are we even getting there?” Rika sighed, kicking some stones.

“We’ll figure something out when we get to the station. Although, we’ll probably have to skip dinner,” Eugeo said.

“Auuuugh,” Kazuto and Keiko whined.

“Here, eat this,” Alice pulled out two lollipops from her bag and handed them out.

“So we’ve got lollipops but no money? This sucks…” someone muttered as we started walking again.

I looked back at Asuna. She was still standing back, her eyes locked on the sign. I grabbed her hand and pulled her along towards the others.

“Let’s go,” I said.

-

**KeiKo**

_12 June Year 18_

As we stepped off the train we could hear the crashing waves in the distance and feel the saltiness of the sea air.

“Let’s go!!” Rika called out, sprinting in the direction of the beach.

“Wait up!” we all cried out as we followed after her.

The beach wasn't that special, thinking back on it. The sand was rough and hot beneath our feet, the sun was unrelenting above us, and it was overcrowded with tourists.

At that time I was still nervous around everyone so I hung back with Shino and Alice as the others ran into the water and splashed around.

“Keiko, come on and play with us,” Rika called out to me. I still found her loudness too intimidating back then, so I waved shyly and shook my head.

Alice had found an old beach umbrella for us to use as shade against the burning sun. It was broken but we didn’t care. We all crammed underneath it as the afternoon went by, talking about nothing in particular and falling asleep.

“How about we go see this rock,” Rika said, halfway through the afternoon. “Supposedly, if you yell out your dreams near this rock, they’ll come true.”

Asuna grabbed the phone from her. “It’s almost 4 kilometers away…”

“I’m staying. It’s too hot for this and it’s not like I have any dreams anyway,” Shino grumbled.

“Well I’m going,” Kazuto said, as he stood up and dusted the sand off him. “Who’s with me?”

We all seemed to stand up then, grabbing our few belongings. Alice shook Eugeo awake and we began to walk in the direction of the rock.

We seemed to walk on and on with no end in sight. Kazuto collapsed into the sand and said he couldn’t walk any farther. Alice grabbed him by the arms and pulled him up. “You’re the one who wanted to go so badly,” she told him.

Rika tried to lighten the mood with jokes but we were all too tired to respond. We had to leave the umbrella behind because it got too heavy.

“What are everyone’s dreams?” I piped up nervously, eager to fill the silence.

“Me? I dream for happiness. I want everyone to be happy,” Rika said.

“How very Rika of you. I don’t have one. It’s okay not to have a dream.” Shino replied.

“I want to be a good person,” Eugeo answered.

“Graduate school and get a better job,” Alice said.

“...The same as Alice,” Asuna said nervously.

“Yeah I guess me too.” Kazuto answered nonchalantly.

We all went back to silence until Shino nudged me on the arm.

“Don’t do that,” she said, her voice full of concern. She pointed at my hands and I noticed I was biting my fingernails. “Don’t end up like me.” She held her own hands up and showed me the bitten, stubbed nails.

I quickly put my hands in my pockets, ashamed she’d caught me.

“By the way, what’s your dream? You didn’t tell us.”

“I don't know. I've never really thought of one.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Shino replied, and we went back to silence.

“...What is a dream?” I hesitantly asked her.

“I told you I didn't have one-”

“No, I mean… what do people mean when they say they have a dream?

“Something they want to achieve, probably?” Shino shrugged.

Rika ran over to us, her phone in her hand. “The dictionary definition says, one - an imaginary series of events you experience while you are asleep, two - a situation or an ideal you how to realise, and three - false expectations of thoughts that are almost unlikely or completely unlikely to turn into reality.”

We mulled over what Rika had told us when she interrupted us again.

“Isn't the last definition weird though? Though I suppose, isn’t it a thing to tell people to ‘wake up from their dreams’? So, if you're wanting to turn around and go home before we get to the rock, wake the hell up!” Rika yelled dramatically and pointed her finger towards the sky.

“How long do we have to keep walking for Rika? I’m gonna collapse again,” Kazuto whined at her.

“It's weird, I'm sure it has to be around here,” Rika replied, confused.

We all looked around but there was nothing but the endless blue sea and sky, and thousands of tiny pebbles in the sand. As we continued to look around, Asuna let out a loud sigh. She held up her phone and read out an article. “Some company is building a resort here, so they blew up the rock.”

Suddenly, it all made sense. We looked around again and saw the construction site in the distance.

“I guess this is it then.” Rika let out a sad sigh.

“Cheer up,” Alice said, handing her a lollipop. “There's no such thing as a rock that can make your dreams come true anyway.”

“Our dreams weren't that good anyway.” “Dreams are a luxury for people like us.” We all chimed in, trying to stay positive but it didn't work. It's not like we expected much from this trip but we did walk all this way for something. We stood around in silent disappointment for a few minutes when I noticed Shino biting her nails.

“Shino, stop it-” I tried to say but a drill from the construction site started up and cut me off.

“What did you say?”

“I said don’t bite your nails,” I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted.

“Huh?” I saw her mouth move, another drill cutting her off.

The others began to laugh at our exchange. Well, I couldn’t hear them but their expressions were obvious enough.

I don't know what came over us, but suddenly we were all yelling out our dreams to the sea. We cupped our hands over our mouths and screamed loudly, trying to outdo the drills. Our voices tangled up together and merged with the noise from the drills and sea. Even I yelled out a dream, despite not having one before. And as abruptly as the drills had begun, they stopped. But we weren’t in time with them and broke off our shouting awkwardly. Kazuto coughed to try and cover up his shouting. Asuna’s voice made a high note and I heard Eugeo shout the word ‘please!’. We all stood in silence for a moment, but looking at each others faces, we burst into laughter again. We laughed and smiled so much our sides hurt, rolling around in the sand.

“We should take a photo,” Eugeo suggested after we calmed down. He took a polaroid camera out of his school bag and we hurried to pose as he set the timer.

The click of the camera imprinted this hot day in our memories forever. It was late, so we began to make our way back. The walk back was shorter than we expected, we seemed to have barely gone past the umbrella, our halfway point, when the train station came into view.

“Can I keep this?” Eugeo asked us, holding up the polaroid photo he took as we waited for the train. It was small and grainy but you could clearly see the smiles etched onto our faces. He reached into his bag for a pen and wrote the date, June 12, on the bottom of the picture. The train pulled into the station and we piled on and began our journey back home.

**EuGeo**

_25 June Year 18_

When I arrived at our secret hideout, no was there. Although we never told each other we'd be there, the room was always filled with noise and people. The silence was strange and uncomfortable. As I stepped inside the room and placed my bag down on a desk, I noticed a plant beneath the windowsill. Who would bring a plant here? It wasn't really the best place to grow one.

As I walked over to the pot, I saw the letter ‘R’ scribbled next to it. I lifted the pot to find the words ‘Rika’s plant’ written on the floor. I laughed to myself. I should have known it was Rika’s. I moved the pot back and covered the writing.

Now that I thought about it, there was a lot of graffiti in this room, and not just Kazuto’s and ‘Rika’s plant’. This room used to be a classroom, after all. The window and walls, the desks, and even ceiling, was covered in names, confessions, unrequited love, and dates, all too faded to be read. Students must have filed in for class each day and shuffled out in the afternoon. On the first day of school, this room would have been full of noise, students exchanging stories of their break. There would have students like us, getting detentions for skipping class, being late, and forgetting our homework. But were there also students like me? Students who ratted on their own friends to the principal?

As I traced the names I came to a stop in front of a message with a familiar name, my father’s. He had attended this school, so could this be his message? Underneath the name it read: everything started here.


	2. Part One - Everything Started Here II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! Sorry for taking so long to post, this chapter has been a pain to write so I was putting it off lol... I also haven't edited it the best so there's probably a few mistakes. There'll probably be one more chapter for part one and then we're heading into timetravelling angst town aka part two :)
> 
> I don't think there's anything too triggering in this chapter but there are references to death, car crashes, and fires.

**RiKa**

_23 November Year 8_

“Can we go on a ride? Please?” I begged my mum as we walked through the amusement park.

“Sure. But first I need you to do something,” my mum said, stopping in front of the big carousel. She pulled a chocolate bar from her bag and handed it to me. “Can you close your eyes and count to ten for me? We’ll go on the ride once you’re done.”

“Okay mum,” I smiled at her and took the chocolate bar.

“Don’t move from this spot, okay?” My mum knelt down and told me. “And no peeking or we won’t go on the carousel.”

I closed my eyes and began to count. The temptation to open my eyes was strong but I resisted because I wanted to go on the ride. Why did mum want me to count anyway?

“...Eight, Nine, Ten!” I exclaimed loudly, throwing my hands up in the air. “Can we go on the ride now mum?” I looked around, but couldn’t see her. “...Mum? Mum?! MUM!?”

-

**RiKa**

_17 January Year 9_

“...Seven, Eight, Nine…” I paused, my body freezing up.

“Come on Rika, you can do it!” My classmates encouraged me.

My tongue felt like lead in my throat. My heart was beating so fast. Could everyone else hear it? I tried to open my mouth but nothing came out. My vision was cloudy and my whole body started to sway. I tumbled off the chair and hit the cold classroom floor.

-

**AsuNa**

_6 April Year 11_

I made my way to the gate of the arboretum. It was a bit cloudy today but the weather was still okay. It was the day of my school picnic and my parents were absent again. But it was okay, I had won the flower drawing contest and all the other parents told me how mature and smart I was for my age.

“Asuna, just wait here for a minute,” my teacher had told me, when we were saying goodbye to everyone at the carpark. I didn’t want to, I knew I could find my way home. I put on my backpack and started walking. I knew everyone would be watching, so I took confident steps and didn’t look back. I must have been walking for a long time because it got dark and started to rain. I looked around but no one was there, all the teachers, students and parents had gone home. I ran to shelter under a big tree, the rain pouring more and more, louder and louder. My legs hurt so much. I looked around but there was nothing, no buses or cars, buildings, or people in sight. I strained my eyes harder and made out a gate in the distance.

I had to keep going. As I stood up my foot hit a large puddle, soaking me up to my knees. I grabbed my bag and held over my head, running towards that gate. I was a mess when I reached the gate, completely soaked from head to toe, teeth clattering and hands numb from holding up my bag. I pushed the gate open and read the sign above it - _The Glass Arboretum_. I forced my feet forward and stumbled into the nearby warehouse.

-

**EuGeo**

_21 July Year 11_

The driver slid his phone back into his pocket.

“He’s not coming, is he?” I asked, already knowing the answer. The driver shook his head and avoided my gaze. What had I expected, he’d been like this my whole childhood. An always busy father, an indifferent mum and much older siblings makes for a lonely and eager to please child. I always obeyed the rules because otherwise I was punished with more silence.

When mum died my father didn’t cry. And even though it wasn’t spoken out loud, I knew not to cry as well. My older brothers were emotionless too, the only one crying was my sister. She cursed my father for sending me away but even she didn’t show up to send me off.

The driver handed me my passport and awkwardly patted me on the shoulder, trying to comfort me. I thanked him kindly and made my way towards the departure gate.

On the plane, a flight attendant bought over a meal. But we hit turbulence as she handed me the drink and it spilt everywhere. She asked me if I was okay and ran off to get some napkins. I whispered ‘no’ but no one heard. I kept my eyes firmly on the floor, willing myself not to cry.

-

**KazuTo**

_29 December Year 11_

“Kazuto, it’s okay.” my cousin tried to comfort me, reaching over to give me a hug. I shrunk back to avoid contact and strained my ears to hear what the adults in the next room were talking about. Was it really true? Did my parents die in a car crash? I don’t believe it. I don’t want to.

“Hey Kazuto.” The door slid open and my aunt walked over. She knelt down to my eye level. “It’s okay. You’re going to live with us now, okay?” She reached out to hold my hand awkwardly but reassuringly.

How many times had I heard that in the past days? It’s not going to be okay, I wanted to scream. I wanted to snatch my hand away. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to see my parents again. I didn’t want to live in an unfamiliar house, with my grandfather who would pressure me into kendo training, with my uncle who I knew smelled of alcohol even though everyone told me he didn’t, my aunt who was awkwardly trying her best, and my cousin who clung to me too much.

I didn’t want to be ‘Kazuto Kirigaya’. I just wanted to be Kazuto Narusaka, only child of Aoi and Yukito Narusaka. I wanted my parents to walk through the door, and we would laugh together at the joke they played on me. But they never came.

-

**KeiKo**

_9 August Year 13_

I rolled over and pressed the pillow over my ears to drown out the crying. I hated them and I hated my parents even more. ‘We’ll still love you, Keiko’ they told me. Then how come they moved me into the spare room? They treat me as if I don’t exist, too busy with those stupid babies. It was the same with my other relatives, they only visited to see my new siblings. My cat jumped up onto the bed and nuzzled against me.

“At least I have you, Pina,” I whispered to her.

-

**ShiNo**

_19 September Year 14_

“Get back here!” Someone cried. I ignored them and made my way through the smoking remains of the house. Past the kitchen and lounge, the staircase that led to nothing, I found myself in my father’s study. The ceiling was completely burnt away, along with parts of the walls, crumbled down to the window frames.

The piano was a shell of its former self, eroded away to bare bones. But on the floor I noticed the white keys. In this dark and destroyed room, they shone brightly like stars. I picked one up and blew off the dust.

What note was this? How many times had my father played it? I laid down on the floor examining it, the afternoon sun filtering through a broken windowpane.

I hid it just in time before my mother came in and pulled me up roughly, reprimanding me for running off and getting dirty. She would throw the key out if she knew I had it. So I pocketed it secretly and let her lead me back outside to where our family was waiting.

-

**EuGeo**

_21 June Year 16_

The principal’s office was too stuffy. I sat beside my father on a leather couch as he talked to the principal like they were old friends. The two men droned on and on as I stared out the window into the courtyard below where a group of students played basketball. Everything about this was wrong. I wanted to be back with my grandparents in America, attending a school where my blonde hair and green eyes made me blend in, instead of making me stand out. I felt like a stranger among them, constantly being asked if I was a foreigner, my Japanese rusty enough that they could make fun of me behind my back. As I scanned through the students, I noticed a girl like me, long blonde hair and blue eyes, clutching a stack of papers and lying asleep in the shade.

My father stood up and thanked the principal, and my body on autopilot did the same. He showed us to the door where my father gave me a pat on the back and told me to have a good day before leaving. As soon as my father left he shooed me from his office into the hallway, not bothering tell me where my class was. I adjusted my backpack and made my way down the hallway and into the courtyard.

-

**AliCe**

_21 June Year 16_

I was late again. I’d already missed enough of first period so what was the point of showing up? I’ll just go take a nap somewhere and turn up for second period. I made my way to the courtyard. There were some senior students playing basketball which would make it hard to sleep but going to the library would just get me kicked out and in more trouble. I found a nice tree and sat down, carefully holding the stack of papers I had to deliver later to my chest. I felt like I’d barely fallen asleep when someone shaking my shoulder woke me up.

“...I know I’m not supposed to be skipping but cut me a break, please,” I sighed, rubbing my eyes and expecting to see a teacher in front of me. Instead it was… a student? He was wearing my school’s uniform but he didn’t seem Japanese. I didn’t think we had exchange students right now.

“Um, sorry to bother you but could you help me find my classroom? It's my first day and-” he tried to say but was interrupted by the sound of my stomach rumbling. When was the last time I ate? I was too busy this morning and I let Selka have my share of dinner last night...

“Do you have any food? I can help you if you give me something to eat.”

He looked through his bag and pulled out a lollipop. “I was going to buy food today, so this is all I have, sorry.”

“That’s fine.” I snatched it out of his hands and unwrapped it. “What class and year level?

“Year 10 and Visual Art.”

“Oh that’s what I have next. First period is almost over so we can walk over together.”

“Thanks. I’m Eugeo by the way,” he said awkwardly.

“I’m Alice. I’m guessing you’re an exchange student?”

“Kind of. I lived overseas for awhile but I’ve moved back here for high school. But I’m half-American if that’s what you mean. What about you?” He was obviously referring to my own un-Japanese appearance.

“I’m German on my dad’s side and Japanese on my mum’s. I’m going back to sleep so just wake me when the bell rings.” I rolled over and closed my eyes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for reading!! <3
> 
> Next Chapter Preview:
> 
> I don’t deserve them. Not after what I did. From now on, I’ll live the way I’m told and not bother pursuing happiness. A person like me doesn’t deserve it anyway. 
> 
> “Dad,” I pulled out my phone. “I want to move back to America.”


	3. Part One - Everything Started Here III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t want to get involved again. I didn’t want to console her. I didn’t protect her. I didn’t want to be important to her. I wasn’t able to be by her side. I didn’t want to hurt her again. I didn’t want to be hurt again. - Shino, 7 April Year 20.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!!! I'm finally updating lol. It's almost 11:00pm where I live and this chapter has been sitting in my drafts forever so I haven't proofread it very well so please forgive me if there's any mistakes. I know I said this would be this last chapter for part one but I lied, there's still one extra chapter... but we will eventually get to the timetravelling angst... I'm very excited for all that... Just a tw for car crashes and abuse (kinda?) in this chapter.
> 
> Anyway I love yall and stream i need u for clear skin and good grades.
> 
> EDIT: clarenspou on tumblr drew some beautiful fanart so please check it out! https://clarenspou.tumblr.com/post/185608483904/when-youre-in-your-bts-phase-again-and-you

**KazuTo**

_17 June Year 18_

I crossed the courtyard, heading towards our hideout. Alice was standing outside and I tiptoed up to try and scare her. But as I neared the room, Eugeo burst out the door, phone in hand and clearly worried about something. Alice grabbed him by the arm and asked what was wrong.

I changed directions and hid, trying to listen in on the conversation.

“I told him everything,” he told Alice. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be apologising to Shino and Kazuto, not me. But I know you had your reasons,” she sighed, resting her hand on his arm to comfort him. They walked back inside the room.

What are they talking about? Why would Eugeo have to apologise to me and Shino? Did he tell someone that Shino and I skipped school and got into a fight again? Who did he tell?

“What are you doing?” a voice asked, startling me. It was Rika along with Asuna. I pretended to reach over and tie my shoe. They pulled me up before I could finish and dragged me with them towards the room.

Alice and Eugeo waved to us as we entered, as if nothing had happened between them. I decided not to confront about their conversation. Alice was smarter and much more mature than me. I trusted her like an older sister. She must have her reasons for letting Eugeo tell whoever he did. I have to trust them. I walked over to them with that smile, that silly looking smile, like I was an innocent and naive child, like I knew nothing was wrong.

-

**AliCe**

_19 June Year 18_

I made my way through our hideout, cleaning up some rubbish and dusting down the tables. Today was my last day here. My parents had decided last week. Dad’s illness had become worse, and we were struggling to cover his expenses after Mum lost her job again. We couldn’t rely on my pay from my part time jobs or the kindness of our neighbours anymore and Selka was still too young to work. We had to move while we still could.

I sat down at a desk, and pulled out a pencil and notebook from my bag but I had no idea what to write. Minutes seemed to pass in silence until I felt the pencil snap in my palm. I looked down at the paper, covered in dust and shards of lead. I blew away the dust and read the words I had scribbled, ‘I must survive’ over and over. I ripped the paper out and scrunched it into my pocket. I walked up to the blackboard and picked up a piece of chalk. ‘Let’s meet again’ I wrote. I couldn’t promise them anything so instead it was my bittersweet wish, that one day all of us could meet again in this room. I placed the chalk back down with a lollipop and left the room for the last time.

-

**KeiKo**

_5 July Year 18_

I grabbed a rag and wiped down the dusty piano. I placed my fingers above the keys and pressed down. How many times had I seen Shino play this piano? How many lazy afternoons had I spent dozing off in this room to the music of the piano? But no matter how I pressed the keys, I couldn’t make it sound the same.

It was like any other day, we came to the room because we had nothing to do. I pulled a few desks out to lie on and Shino went straight to the piano. I remember dozing off to the music. What came next was a blur. The principal’s rough hands hitting my face, pushing me off the desks and towards the corner of the room. The sudden silence and Shino standing in front of me, her arms stretched out wide. The fire in her eyes as she slammed her fist into the principal’s face. The expulsion notice hanging up on the wall the next day. The dust piling up and up in the silence and loneliness.

It’s been two weeks. Where are you Shino? I miss you.

-

**ShiNo**

_5 July Year 18_

I opened the door to my room and made my way towards my desk. I pulled an envelope out of the top drawer. I wish I could have thrown the door open and stormed over to my desk but it was past 10 pm and as per my mother’s rules, everyone had to be silent. But this silence is too stifling.

After four years I finally understand why my father did it. Everyday I feel closer to losing my mind, as if I’m drowning in silence. I understand the pull of the flames, and crave them more and more.

If my mother knew how I felt, what would she think? What would she do? I lived in her house, ate her meals, tolerated her rules, and silenced myself. Would she kick me out? Will she, when she finds out I was expelled from school?

I reached over to my window and cracked it open. I reached into the envelope, pulling out the half burnt piano key I stole from the wreckage of my old house so long ago and examined it for the last time. What note was it? How many times had my father played it?

The answers to my questions I’ll never know. I threw it out my window with all my might.

-

**EuGeo**

_12 July Year 18_

It was the last day of school before the summer break and I wanted to get out of there, but for different reasons compared to the other students. It was all my fault. Shino was expelled because of me. Because I told the principal about our hideout. I didn’t know that she would be there with Keiko that day, I just wanted to get the principal off my back. But now I’ve ruined everything. How can I ever face my friends again, knowing I did this?

“Eugeo!” someone just had to call out, slapping me on the back. It was Rika with Asuna in toe as usual. “Are you seriously going straight home? Come and get burgers with me and Asuna! My treat!”

“Sorry, I’m busy,” I mumbled and looked down, too ashamed to look them in the eyes.

“Oh, okay,” she said. Her face must have dropped. I felt bad. I’d known for awhile that Rika regularly faked her smiles for us yet here I was rejecting her offer for no good reason. More proof that I was a terrible friend.

“Well, have a good break. Keep in touch, okay?” Asuna said. I looked up quickly to see her grab Rika’s hand reassuringly.

“Yeah…” I turned and made my way towards the front gate.

_“Can I keep this?” I held up the photo I’d taken of us. The others nodded. I pulled out a pen and wrote the date, June 12th on the bottom._

I don’t deserve them. Not after what I did. From now on, I’ll live the way I’m told and not bother pursuing happiness. A person like me doesn’t deserve it anyway.

“Dad,” I pulled out my phone and dialed his number. “I want to move back to America.”

-

**RiKa**

_15 September Year 18_

I looked over at Asuna lying in the hospital bed. She was sleeping peacefully compared to the state she was in a few hours ago. I reached over to brush a few stray hairs off her head but jumped up and pulled my hand back as the door slammed open. It was her mother. She walked over to Asuna’s bedside and straightened up some things. I sat there awkwardly, not knowing what to do or say.

“Are you a friend of Asuna’s?” She spoke up, startling me again.

“Um, yes. I’m Rika Shinozaki.” I stood up and held out my hand politely for her to shake.

“Thankyou for helping Asuna, Rika,” she sighed and gripped my hand. Her hand was so cold, I felt as if her grip could freeze my whole body. “You can go now.”

In that moment she drew a line between us. A clear line I couldn't cross. Years of orphanage life had taught me all about lines and when I wasn’t wanted or needed. I could detect lines in all different ways, the way people spoke, the atmosphere, or even their handshake.

I snatched my hand back and grabbed my school bag. I nodded slightly towards Asuna’s mother and left the room. She didn’t even notice I was gone.

-

**KeiKo**

_30 September Year 18_

“Keiko.” My teacher had called out to me as class ended. I waited behind and watched as everyone left for lunch.

“You‘re not hanging out with those students anymore? Or going to that room?” My teacher asked, holding the attendance book in her hand.

I tilted my head, confused. “What do you mean by those students?”

“Those delinquent senior students. You shouldn’t let yourself be pressured by your peers like that. You’ll be a senior next year too, Keiko, you need to start being more mature.” She lifted up the attendance book and hit me over the head with it.

It stung. I looked down at my shoes and refused to answer. They were my friends and it was our room, what was wrong with going there? Since the day we all met, I visited our room each day without fail. They wouldn’t have known, Alice and Rika had their part time jobs and Shino and Kazuto tended skip a lot. There were days when no one else stopped by and I was alone. But it was okay, they would come by eventually, later that day or tomorrow or the day after. Seeing that I wasn’t responding, my teacher just hit me again and told me to go to lunch.

I made my way to our room. My hand rested on the door handle. If I opened it, would they all still be there? Will they look over their shoulders and complain that I took so long? Will I hear the soft notes of Shino playing the piano as Asuna and Rika dance? Will Alice offer me another lollipop and tell Eugeo to wake up and say hi? Will Kazuto tell me to have a look at some new game he brought in?

But when I slid the door open, the room was empty except for Rika. She was cleaning up the last of our things. She looked up at me frozen in the doorway and walked over to hug me.

“It’s okay.” She said, holding me tight. I nestled into her shoulder and cried my eyes out. I don’t know how long we stood like that, but eventually she let go of me. “Let’s go.” She grabbed my hands gently and led me out of the room.

As the door slammed shut, I realised those days were gone. The time we all spent together in this room had ended and would never begin again.

-

**RiKa**

_2 March Year 20_

I liked talking to people. My job at the burger shop was perfect for that. It was hard work, dealing with all types of people, all day, looking happy and smiling constantly even when I wasn’t. There were days were it took every ounce of my energy to crawl home. But eventually all that fake confidence becomes real. Laughing and smiling until my whole body ached made me feel like a good person.

I graduated from school earlier this year. But it didn’t change much, just a slight increase in pay and more hours. I still couldn’t afford a better room. With a new term starting, the burger shop was crowded with students. The younger ones looked dazed and confused, and the older ones were trying too hard to look mature. It’s okay, I wanted to tell them. Don’t try to be cool, and don’t be nervous, just be yourself. Did we used to act like that? We probably did. I wondered what were the others doing? How were they? I missed them a lot.

I’d last seen Eugeo the beginning of summer break two years ago, before he transferred away. No one knew where Alice went and Shino hadn’t answered any calls after she was expelled. Kazuto was a mess without Alice and ditched school frequently to draw graffiti across the city. Sometimes I caught glimpses of Keiko outside the store, sporting bandages and fresh cuts. I wished she wouldn’t get into so many fights. As for Asuna, I hadn’t seen her since that day at the hospital. Did I do something wrong that day?

I looked up as the door opened and another customer entered the store. I took a deep breath and smiled at them. It was… is it really you?

-

**KazuTo**

_29 March Year 20_

How long did I lay on the ground outside of the gas station? My body stung all over. The owner had come out of the store and beat me senseless when he saw me graffiting the back wall. I thought I was used to beatings but obviously I’m not.

I can’t remember when I started graffiti. Maybe last year? I had picked up an almost empty can one night and aimed against a wall near my apartment. Bright yellow paint shot out and awkwardly hit the gray wall. The sight of it made me uneasy, so I picked up another can and painted over it, again and again, until I ran out of cans. I stepped back, out of breath, and dropped the can to the ground.

I didn’t know what I had created. Or why I created it. But I knew it had something to do with my current state of mind. I thought it was ugly. And filthy, revolting, disgusting, useless, weak, stupid and pitiful. I hated it. I reached out to rub the paint away but it was still wet and just ended up smudging into a big mess all over me and the wall.

I leant against the wall in defeat. It didn't matter if it was beautiful or not, or if I liked or hated it. It was just a part of me, and I couldn't erase it.

I rolled over and tried to sit up. I coughed up some blood onto my hand. I need to be more careful next time. I heard footsteps and saw a pair of legs come into view. I raised my head and saw a familiar face. It was Alice. She held out her hand and I just stared up at her. She helped me up. Her hand was so warm.

**-  
**

**ShiNo**

_7 April Year 20_

I froze at the distinct sound of a piano. Clumsily played notes echoed throughout the night but were overshadowed by the crackling noises from fires in metal drums, scattered throughout the empty construction site.

I knew that tune. I’d played it recently. I stumbled along blindly towards it. I was completely drunk. The heat from the fire dulled my senses, dulled the crisp night air, the piano and my intoxication.

I blinked sharply and stepped back, narrowly avoiding the car. I couldn’t breathe, the rush of adrenaline from my near death experience making me giddy. The driver leaned out his window and cursed at me. I threw my hands up and screamed something unintelligible back as he drove off.

The piano had stopped. I could hear the crackling fires, the hum of traffic, and the soft night wind but no piano. A flame shot out of one of the drums and into the night. It exploded, and at the same time I heard a bang, as if someone had slammed their fists onto a piano. It was the same sound. That sound from my childhood - from my nightmares.

I ran towards the music shop, my body moving on its own. How I remembered it, I don’t know. I couldn’t have stopped if I tried.

I peered through the broken glass window at the figure sitting in front of the piano. It’d been years but I could recognise her anywhere. I turned around. I didn’t want to get involved again. I didn’t want to console her. I didn’t protect her. I didn’t want to be important to her. I wasn’t able to be by her side. I didn’t want to hurt her again. I didn’t want to be hurt again.

I tried to leave. But my hand was already moving towards the piano. I pointed out the wrong note. Keiko looked up. It was the first time we’d met since high school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading<33333 please don't be shy and comment if you enjoyed this chapter!! even if its just screaming it really makes my day...

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou for reading this far! If you liked it please comment, it means a lot to me!
> 
> If you're confused/want to learn more about the bangtan universe, comment or send me a message on tumblr, I love talking about it (even though I’m still confused lol).....


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